Like A Wave We Break: Reflections from Womankind’s Fireside Chat with Jane Chen
Like A Wave We Break: Reflections from Womankind’s Fireside Chat with Jane Chen
Photo courtesy of Jane Chen
On paper, Jane Chen had everything.
She had built a globally recognized social enterprise, helped save the lives of premature babies worldwide, and achieved the kind of success many people spend a lifetime pursuing.
Yet during a recent fireside chat hosted by Womankind, Jane spoke less about achievement than about the cost of tying her worth to it.
Moderated by Womankind supporter and 2025 Gala Honoree Karen Choi, the conversation explored the themes at the heart of Jane's bestselling memoir, Like a Wave We Break: childhood trauma, perfectionism, burnout, and the long journey toward self-compassion. Hosted during Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander Heritage Month and Mental Health Awareness Month in May, over 40 guests listened and reflected on healing, resilience, and the stories we carry after childhood ends.
Jane's memoir traces a journey that began long before she became a celebrated entrepreneur. Growing up in a Taiwanese immigrant family, she learned early that achievement mattered. Success became a source of validation—and eventually, a way of avoiding deeper feelings she had never fully confronted.
Looking back, she now sees a direct connection between her childhood experiences and the work that would come to define her adult life.
"Feeling so powerless throughout my childhood, that's what has driven me to help the most powerless people in the world," she said. "My pain had become my purpose, but it had also become my shadow."
For years, that purpose fueled her work at Embrace Global, the organization she co-founded to improve outcomes for premature babies in underserved communities. But after years of sacrifice and relentless dedication, the organization eventually collapsed, sending Jane into a period of depression, panic attacks, and profound uncertainty. More importantly, it forced her to confront a question she had spent much of her life avoiding: Who was she without her work?
That question became the foundation of a healing journey—and ultimately the foundation of Like A Wave We Break.
Throughout the conversation, Karen guided the discussion toward themes that resonated deeply within immigrant and Asian communities, where conversations about trauma, mental health, and family conflict often remain difficult.
One of the most powerful discussions centered on how long it can take to recognize painful experiences for what they are.
"I didn't call what happened to me abuse," Jane said. "I didn't really talk about it with anyone I grew up with, even with my sisters, until I was probably in my late 30s." Like many survivors of domestic violence, what happened in her family had become so normalized that it was difficult to see clearly. It wasn't until she began working with a therapist that her perspective began to shift.
"I remember talking to a therapist about what had happened in my family," she recalled. "She said, 'This is not about villainizing your parents. But until you recognize the severity of what happened, you cannot appropriately address it.'"
That realization became a turning point—not because it changed the past, but because it allowed her to begin healing from it.
Photo courtesy of Jane Chen
Throughout the discussion, Jane emphasized the difference between acknowledgement and blame. Recognizing painful experiences, she explained, does not require condemning the people involved. In fact, part of her healing journey involved developing a deeper understanding of her parents' own experiences, including the historical and cultural forces that shaped their lives before immigrating to the United States.
The conversation also explored intergenerational trauma and the ways painful experiences can be passed from one generation to the next. In researching and writing her memoir, Jane examined not only her own experiences but also the broader context of her family's story, including Taiwan's history of political repression and martial law. Understanding that history did not erase her pain, but it helped her hold two truths at once: compassion for her parents and compassion for herself.
"I think there's a path to healing," she said. "And it comes from each of us standing in our truth."
Another theme surfaced repeatedly throughout the evening: the relationship between achievement and self-worth. Many people learn to survive by staying busy. Pain is buried beneath productivity. Exhaustion becomes a badge of honor. Rest becomes something to feel guilty about. For Jane, work became a way of outrunning difficult emotions.
"Some people numb their pain with substances," she said. "I numbed mine with productivity. I cared deeply about my work, but I also believed that my worth depended on what I achieved."
As Karen noted, many people—particularly those raised in high-achieving immigrant households—are taught to push through discomfort rather than listen to it. Jane encouraged attendees to pay closer attention to the signals their bodies and emotions may be sending.
For years, she ignored exhaustion, anxiety, and burnout. Today, she sees those experiences differently. "You can't think your way out of pain," she said. "You can't work your way out of it. You have to feel your way through it."
That lesson ultimately transformed her understanding of resilience. For much of her life, resilience meant grit, endurance, and the ability to push harder no matter the cost. Today, she defines it differently. "Resilience isn't about toughness," Jane said. "It's about tenderness."
Rather than self-criticism, resilience grows from self-compassion. Rather than proving our worth through achievement, we begin by recognizing that our worth exists independently of what we accomplish.
While the conversation touched on difficult subjects—including childhood abuse, trauma, perfectionism, burnout, and mental health struggles—it ultimately offered something hopeful: the possibility that healing can begin with honesty. Honesty about what happened. Honesty about what we feel. Honesty about the stories we've been carrying for years.
At Womankind, we see every day how shame, stigma, and silence can prevent people from seeking support. We also see how community, compassion, and storytelling can create pathways toward healing. Conversations like this remind us that healing rarely happens in isolation. It happens when people are given space to share their experiences, listen deeply, and recognize themselves in others' stories.
We are deeply grateful to Jane Chen for sharing her story with such honesty and vulnerability, and to Karen Choi for her thoughtful moderation and generous support in underwriting copies of Like A Wave We Break for all the guests at Womankind’s 2025 Communities Rising Gala.
As Jane writes in the dedication of her memoir: "For the little one in each of us who ever felt they weren't enough: you are enough exactly as you are."
To learn more about Jane Chen, connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram, visit her website, or order a copy of Like A Wave We Break.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, human trafficking, sexual violence, or other forms of abuse, Womankind is here to help.
